Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Is it Time?

The month of January was...interesting for me. October to December was consumed with being sad and then the holidays happened, which are surprisingly not an effective way to cheer someone up. I thought it would be different. But I felt numb to the cheer periodically and really appreciated the time off to just decompress and spend some incredibly low-key/do nothing/laze on the couch time with my husband.

Once I found out the tamoxifen wasn’t working (Dec 26), I think things began to change. I’m starting to feel like maybe it is time to take charge and do something about something. Who knows what though? There are so many aspects of “fighting” cancer – it’s all overwhelming. How exactly should I “fight”?

For many years, I’ve been passive-aggressively attempting to get really healthy. I kind of made it (sometime around 2012) with lots of cardio, Pilates, and a really good diet. When I started working full-time, that kind of fell by the wayside. 

In January I decided that I needed some sort of intervention, and short of calling it a New Year's Resolution, I made changes. I started with a promise to myself for the month of January: I would drink one green smoothie and eat one salad each day. I don't think I noticed the benefits in one fell swoop, but I did - and continue to - feel amazing. Eating that much produce made a marked difference in how I feel. I did break my promise for three days, when I did a juice cleanse. Other than that, though, I stuck to it pretty well.

As for the juice cleanse, it was amaaaaaaazing. I loved it - and can't wait to do it again. I'm a compulsive overeater so it was a really good experience to feel not full for three days. The second and third day and the day immediately following were fabulous for me. I had so much energy and generally felt awesome! I would definitely want to do this periodically. 

For the month of February, I'm promising myself to go to the gym more. I've been slacking off and it's so easy to make excuses, even if it's just to go home and do absolutely nothing. So that's happening...so far, I do feel pretty good, and I think it's because I have month of healthy eating to back it up. :)

I'm home from the gym tonight - no workout, no caffeine, and no CARBS in preparation for a PET scan tomorrow. Full disclosure: I am so scared. I am hoping so hard for this to yield positive results. Just physically though, the tumors that I can feel do not seem to be shrinking, so my optimism is measured.

Regardless of what happens, I will be trying to make positive progress in other parts of my life every month. New month, new promise. 

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