One of the worst things about breast cancer (so far......) is how scary every. single. thing. is.
Food, drinks, work, stress, treatment, and just about anything - scary. I started googling causes of breast cancer, I can't help but think of all the things I did wrong in my life to this date that must have caused this. I drank too much wine, I ate too much meat, there was the time when I decided to be a casual cigarette smoker for a year, I ate too much bacon, I ate Lunchables Pizza a lot.....
Our medical center is amazing, God bless them. My primary care physician called me to check in on me and ask if I needed a referral for a surgeon or an oncologist. Our nurse navigator had already helped me get the earliest appointment possible for a surgeon, but I do need an oncologist. I asked about a woman oncologist I found via Google. Ha! I have an appointment for next Tuesday. Tomorrow, I meet with the surgeon - he will have my MRI results. We will find out if the cancer is anywhere beyond my left breast and lymph node area. Hopefully, we'll find out what stage I'm in. It's not stage I.
People keep telling us to get a second opinion. I don't yet understand the reason. I have cancer - that doesn't seem to need confirmation. I suppose it's for treatment options.
Today, the ultimate scary idea occurred to me: I may never be able to have biological children. If I have to do chemotherapy, my fertility may never return. I can't reconcile not giving my husband children of his own. Will he be able to reconcile this?